I want faith ha

So I decided to post on my heart, as well as an update on the trip so far.

Here is what is going on in my heart.

I wish I had faith. Unconditional faith. For instance, some people are able to go on airboat rides and be amazed by God and what he is doing, while I go on airboat rides and and consistently am analyzing everything and questioning. Or we hear a great sermon on the church, and our role in it, and some eagerly agree and it encourages them to go fourth and be the church, while I sit there and analyze everything he says and question his words first, figure out what I think on the issue, and then maybe if I figure all that out, implement my eventually found desire to be what I kind of think the church should be.

Or someone will tell me that they think women shouldn't preach to men, and then my mind is from then on locked deep into itself thinking what I think men and women's roles should be, why I think that, why other people should think that, and then it just leads on from there ha.

Or I find myself questioning all sorts of things, that maybe If we talk I will tell you ha.

I want to learn how to have a balanced life of questioning and skepticism, but that doesn't overpower me serving the Lord. I want to have a faith that serves the Lord and has full confidence. I want other people to see my confidence in the Lord. I want to have firm opinions on issues, not for debate, but for my minds sake.

anywhoo... that is where I am ha.